W. Valencia McGruder
Licensed Therapist and Survivor
#kickingleukemiasbutt |
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Today, I have begin to focus more on my professional business Cancer Awareness and Resources. The business will focus on individual and group counseling services as well as helping them to find resources for cancer survivors and their caregivers. If you have a service to provide to cancer survivors please reach out to me at [email protected]. Let's all join together and fight against cancer!
W. Valencia McGruder Licensed Therapist and Survivor
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Lately, we have lost some remarkable people due to battling cancer. Today, we lost Stuart Scott. Everyone knows Stuart Scott the man famous for Booyah! in his ESPN commentaries. Many fans have tweeted the contributions and actions of his life. And I too, am touched as we loose even more creative outlooks and sayings in sports.
But, what do you do when you loose a love one to cancer? How do you feel? What do you say to the spouse, children and other love ones? Great questions. I think we all deal with grief in our own way. We must feel our feelings and let them pass through us. But, we must not be stuck in our feelings so bad that we can not live. Expressing our feelings to our love ones may be an option. As well as expressing our feelings to friends aware of the love one passing. The proverb that speaks about a village raising a child can also be applied here as it sometimes takes a village to help someone heal from a love one's loss from a disease. In my past, I have had love ones to pass from cancer. Each one battled cancer differently and lived their life the way they chose to live. I honor and respect my love ones and their journeys as it prepared me for my journey with AML. I can recall my aunt Mary asking for my niece and myself to come and see her prior to her passing. I was scared and nervous that day. She asked me what was wrong and I replied in a light voice...nothing. She could understand my pain as I felt like I knew she would be leaving me some day. She spoke to me about the good times we had and I began to become overwhelmed with tickled laughter. I am so happy I had that moment with her. It was one of the many memories of her to help during the time I mourned her death. Overall, I think the best way to deal with the loss of a love one due to cancer is to celebrate. Yes, celebrate the life of that person. Celebrate the good times you shared with them and the magic moments they made. Be grateful you had the person in your life. I am not denying to mourn or grieve in your loss. But, just add in listening to their favorite song or swapping stories with other love ones. It as if you are honoring their legacy. "When you die, it does not mean you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, & in the manner in which you live. So live, live, fight like hell. And when you get too tired, lay down, rest and let someone else fight for you. “This whole fight, this journey, is not a solo venture. This is something that requires support." Stuart Scott. Well, said my cancer survivor inspirer...well said. It's almost time people. It is almost my diagnosis anniversary. Now, you maybe wondering am I scared? Nervous? Anxious? All of the above and then some is the correct answer. Lately, I have been working through my feelings. Last week I sat with my husband to explain to him how I felt like I ruined Christmas. Yes. I felt like I was the grinch that stole Christmas. His response was a weird facial expression with shear confusion. He asked, "Why would you feel that way when we all were praying for you to get through this?" I responded simply, "The entire family was at the hospital with me and not in their homes exchanging presents."
My husband left me with that statement for a moment. He was still puzzled and really did not have a verbal response. I continued to make my point valid with all kind of materialistic points. He soon began to laugh. And then he questioned, "What does Christmas REALLY mean to you? Presents or being present?" Yup, he stopped me dead in my tracks. It was as if I had forgotten the real meaning of Christmas. Yea, Jesus birthday! You know our Lord and Savior! I then stopped talking (yes, this is hard for me to do). And, I began to realize all the blessing I have endured over this year. I still have so many people to thank and to be grateful for. God awakened me with my diagnosis to show I have a huge family. Not just blood related persons, but a plethora of people who love me so much they are willing to take out there time and energy to feed me, bathe me, clean my house, help me pay medical bills, drive me to doctor appointments, text me, call me, console me, and help me get through my journey. I am grateful this Christmas will have a more meaningful feeling. Not just me being in the spirit of giving, but to also be grateful for my FAMU orange cap created by Rahkia, my birthday twin flying directly into Columbus to sit with me during a blood transfusion, and Tina and Marie sleeping in my hospital room while it was 50 degrees because my fever would not break. This is the reason for the season. To thank God for little baby Jesus and the love, compassion, and being the wayshower of how to live life. So, yes I still might cry Christmas Eve. And I may continue to boo-hoo on Christmas day. But, I will also be thanking God for the great year I have had...recovery and remission! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Love, Wyllie Valencia McGruder Wow! It has been an amazing almost 7 months since I last blogged. I have reviewed some of my previous entries and amazingly, I have already accomplished some goals. First, I began to travel in September. My oncologist cleared me to travel. He asked me to use my head while traveling and I did. I made sure I wore a mask and even requested a wheel chair for each flight. At first, I thought to myself I can walk! But, when you enter Atlanta's Hartsfield airport, you began to view walking as a chore your regret signing up for.
I left Atlanta to spend time with my mother, friends and family. The time I spent in Chicago was good and bad. Good because I had longed to see my love ones again and had the best time hugging them again. Bad because I could not eat the food! It is puzzling what medication can do to one's stomach over time. But, then again it reminded me of how my fresh fruits and vegetables I yearned for during chemo treatments began a more healthy lifestyle. While in Chicago, I joined my friend Niehla O. to venture to Los Angeles. I begged my friend to go an venture out in the world to live her dreams. Little did she know she was helping me to begin to live again. The last few months I had been rebuilding my body at home and scared to leave to far from my husband, his family and my doctors. I felt powerless for a long time thinking I would not be able to live my dreams of traveling again. And then it hit me, how dare I ask my friend to move when I fear traveling? I could not be a hypocrite and packed my bags. We traveled by train from Chicago to Los Angeles. It was an amazing trip. Niehla O. has an awesome roommate Vanessa that opened her arms to me instantly.It's amazing how people that open to you without conditions seem to emit love to you and make you feel good inside. After running some errands, we took flight to Las Vegas and stayed at the MGM Grand. Well, being there was the first time sun really kissed my skin in almost a year. It felt good to be outside walking and then outside sunbathing feeling the rays of sunshine on face, arms, and legs. The gentle kisses of God is what it felt like touching my skin. Soon after, it was time for me to return to Atlanta. I bid farewell to my friend as I constantly prayed to God to not allow me to shed tears of sadness but tears of joy as my friend is living her dream. After landing, I thanked God for allowing me to conquer my fears just as my friend did and to move on in life. I am happy to report on October 27, 2014 my husband and I made it to our 2nd year of marriage. WHEW! Talk about a long year. Amazing, Awesome, Outstanding, Courageous, Loving, Unstoppable, Unbeatable, Undeniable...some of the words we have heard people say about our marriage. To me, it is the word Commitment. My husband and I are committed to loving each other and living life to the fullest. I pray that whomever is reading this blog will feel and do the same. Please live your life and enjoy. 1. Start a foundation to create awareness for AML. 2. Physically travel...mental travel is nice but I rather leave physically. 3. No worrying. No arguing. What ever I think and its for the greater good ...goes. 4. I promise to sleep, rest, until I REALLY feel like getting up. 5. I am healing and believe my body deserve number 4. So please go back to number 3 as those are doctor's orders. 6. Live. Live again. And act alive again. Yesterday I was granted the ability to attend Easter Sunday service. Here is a picture to the left. Ain't I cute. I am really getting use to my peach fuzz!
The Sunday sermon titled, "Are you living to die or dying to live," hit home pretty hard. Prior to this journey, I did have a purpose. I was recently married and became a wife. I also worked as a Case Manager Therapist at the local hospital. I am a daughter, a sister, a cousin to many and friend to a lot. However, in all the roles I played there was one role I did not play well, being good to myself. I would occasionally go shopping or pay off any debt to ensure a better life for my husband and I. But, I did not take out time to have a desire to live. I had forgotten how to take off work to enjoy flowers, the beaches, food, life! How could I, a person that owns an active passport do such a thing? I can easily answer this question, I placed all other before me. I have two parents over the age of 70 I constantly worry about. I am a newlywed merging a lot of physical and emotional stuff. The list can go on of how I care for others, take out more time for others and leave me just enough time to get a few hours of sleep daily. So, what did I learn from yesterday's lesson? I learned to apply what all therapist like myself preach, self-care. I more than ever must focus on my body recovering from chemicals, learning to walk with a stronger balance, and learning to watch out for me first. Has this been easy, nope. But is it necessary, yes. And this is what has cause me to have the desire to live. Friends, I still pray you will never have to endure what I have endured. Instead I pray you take to my life as an example of how to take care of yourself. Remember, if you don't take care of you, you can't take care of nobody. #orangegirlrocks Yesterday I met with my the newest member of my treatment team, Dr.Collins. Chris and I have decided to go for the bone marrow transplant. The current status is that we must verify if my sister is a perfect match. Currently, in the bone marrow national database, http://bethematch.org/, I have people that match me with a 9 out of 10. According to the treatment team, 9 out of 10 is just not good enough. This is why we have our fingers crossed, prayers going up, hopes and wishes that my lovely sister Vanessa matches me...Valencia. I also met up with my buddy Tina. Here she is on the left eating with me last year. Talk about good times. Good times last year and good times yesterday is what I live for. I LOVE and ADORE my friends. They support me in all of my decisions even when they don't understand. It's amazing how Tina has been a true friend throughout my journey. Secret alert: She slept at the hospital with me and held me when I had my cry moments. This my dears is what God gives us in a friendship. Tina, love you hun! And yes we will have more dinners and good times! Family and friends, thank you again for all the support. The fundraiser Tiffany Jackson has created has produced amazing results. These funds have helped with medical bills and co-pays for my doctor visits. I am forever grateful to all who have donated and supported me financially. I know my mother taught me at an early age to be a cheerful giver. Well now, I am a cheerful receiver. Last but not least, I will be receiving my 4th round of chemotherapy soon. Many people have given me the look of WTH. Yes, it's hard. But, you all tell me everyday anything is possible with God. I stand firm on that thought every time I have a doctor's appointment, hospitalized for chemotherapy, or given a blood transfusion. I am grateful to have a relationship with a higher power I call God. And with that, I pray you all celebrate this Sunday the resurrection of Jesus. Remem There are plenty of times I wish I could run away from treatment and just go back to living my old life. Then again, without my holistic treatment I may never reach my idea of being cured. Instead, I focus on the mini ways I can "get away".
1. Making a phone call. Sometimes all you need to get away is to call that one special friend to reminisce, plan for the future, or just giggle with for a minute. 2. Embrace you neighborhood. There is a donut shop down the street that claims to have the best donuts without having to be "hot". I giggle every time I read the sign as I think it is thee funniest thing! 3. Go somewhere in your city or state you have never been before. The state of Illinois has a city named Ullin, IL. Yup, its not to far from Cairo, IL. In my SICU years I met some great folks from there. These are just a few of my ideas I have used in the past and currently using to create my holistic treatment. What else would you suggest? Today I was informed I will not be admitted to the hospital for my 5 day chemotherapy treatment. I was thrilled. Currently, I am doing consultations for my bone marrow transplant. This in essence means I have to reach out to different doctors and see who do I feel comfortable with doing my transplant. #or I have had many of good, mediocre, and some "where this come from?" mornings more than once in my lifetime. But then, I have GREAT MORNINGS. These are mornings where I have had the best dream ever, my body temperature was good all night (no swollen feet), and I wake up refreshed. I love GREAT MORNINGS. Who wouldn't?
But, I have wondered for the longest what gets me to a GREAT MORNING? Is it the time I spend with God in the morning? Maybe the meditation time (yes I have fallen asleep a couple times). Or maybe is it when I imagine doing or being something in the future...you know a goal to meet. Whatever it is, I like GREAT MORNINGS. I think today's great morning is brought on by something I posted last night on facebook: I am seriously blessed. Many of you do not see the messages I have had with people. Sometimes they say I uplift them, but often my friends uplift me via prayer, comedy/humor, monetary support, and just coming to my house to sit with me. I often ask God how can I bless my friends. And I always get the same answer...be you. FB family and friends I love you and appreciate you. Thank you for helping me through this life journey! When you are blessed you can't help but to be happy! |